3 Ways to Make Peace With Your Birth Story When Things Don’t Go According to Plan

Making Peace With Your Birth Story

Birth Story Gone WrongThis is a very personal story of how I made peace with the guilt and disappointment of my labor and delivery that did not go according to my plans.  It was featured on Blog and the Baby.

Like most women, I had this ideal labor and delivery in my head. It was so beautiful. I would sway on an exercise ball, sit in a bathing tub and breathe through all of my contractions. But like most women that never happened. I was apart of the one in three women who gave birth through a c-section.

I felt shame, angry, disappointment, hurt, betrayal, and resentment. I wondered what I could have done to avoid a c-section. Maybe it was genetic. My mom had an emergency c-section with two of her three children. I was convinced something was wrong with me. My body had betrayed me.

After taking some time to talk to my doctor, my mom, and my God I finally made peace with it. I wanted to share 3 things that helped me make peace with my birth story.

Read My Birth Story
Don’t Blame Yourself

Any mom and medical professional will tell you… you don’t have control over your pregnancy. There are so many components at play when it comes to labor and delivery. You are so physically and emotionally open to externally influences. I’ll give you an example from my labor day. I was 5 cm diluted and laboring just fine without medication as planned. I had my nurses to come in one after the other to attach monitors. One flipped me from one side to the other like a pancake. Then another stood at the foot of my bed with hands on hips and said with a sista girl attitude “What are you doing for your pain management?” In my mind I thought I was doing well. My contractions weren’t unbearable so I was breathing through them. But that question disarmed me. I began to ask for an epidural at that point. Apparently, I was doing something wrong. (that’s sarcasm if you didn’t catch it)

Looking back I understand why the nurse behaved that way. Although I still don’t agree nor did I appreciate her bedside manner. She was concerned about my son’s decreasing heart rate. And assumed my moving in response to the contractions was causing his distress.

Grieve If You Need To

I went through the 5 stages of grief after my c-section. I really can’t explain it. Although I had a healthy baby and recovery something still died inside of me. Maybe it was a little bit of my faith in God and myself. If you’re anything like me you prayed everyday about your birth plan. I explicitly prayed that my labor would not end in a c-section. And when it did I felt shut out from God. And people are so quick to tell you how you should feel. But I needed the freedom to express my disappointment with both God and myself. After I did that I was able to forgive both myself and God.  It set the ground work for a deeper relationship.  Just because you don’t get what you want or what you think you need doesn’t mean God isn’t with you.

Time Heals All Wounds

Time was the biggest factor in my recovery both physically and emotionally. My c-section scar is more than just physical. You go through so many emotions in postpartum recovery. Your hormones are out of whack and you’re sleep deprived. Oh yeah and there’s a new little person that you’re getting to know. There’s little or no time to fully internalize your thoughts. I put in just as much time researching my postpartum recovery as I did my pregnancy. That takes time in itself. This also gave me the time to formulate questions for my doctor.  Don’t put a time frame on your emotional recovery. Take all the time you need.

Did You Experience Any Disappointment In Your Birth Story?

Those Days You Wished Starbucks Delivered

Starbucks-2I finally got a work groove. My thoughts, creativity and process are all in sync.  Full throttle world domination is underway.  I look up its 3 o’ clock in the morning. That can’t be right.  I blame the time change.  I’m going to bed!

Before I get in the bed I check on my Prince. He’s burning up. Then we sits straight up like he was never sleep. Oh uh, this could be the beginning of an already long night. After a diaper change, a dose of ibuprofen we are both in my bed.

I don’t usually do that because I can’t get any sleep with him. Co-sleeping makes me uneasy.  Every move he makes I’m up. But when he’s feverish he likes to spoon. Again this doesn’t work for me. But I need the company since the hubby was out of town. The clock is still ticking.

Its now 4:30 am. I’m dozing but no real sleep. He does sleep  until about 10:30 am. Praise sweet baby JESUS!!! But all day I’m dragging and I know it too.

Why doesn’t Starbucks deliver? I would pay top dollar.  Maybe I should hire help just to support my Starbucks addiction needs.

Yea, I guess I could make my favorite blended coffee drink at home. But any Starbucks addict drinker will tell you it’s not the same.  I’m more of a recreational user. Coffee makes me feel good about myself. Yes, I’m aware of how that sounds. But after a night like that I think I could use a nice hot one.

Tall Carmel Macchiato Upside with Whip, PLEASE!!!

You are more that welcome to donate to my Starbucks fund!

Having a Successful Business Meeting with A Baby

Taking Your Baby To Your Next Business Meeting

We were practicing our presentation. See if you can spot the boxer…

Taking your baby to your business meeting is unprofessional. That’s what my husband thought before his brief stint as a work at home dad.

As a hippie I believe the opposite is true. I would take my baby everywhere if I could.

But honestly and realistically, as an entrepreneur sometimes there’s just no way around it.  Maybe you’re in between contracts and financially daycare is not an option.  Or drop off care doesn’t make any sense if you’re just going to be away for a couple of hours.  And sometimes its that meeting you have been itchy to get. And its happening at spur of the moment. Or maybe you just get a call last minute about sitting in on a meeting.  Whatever the reason here’s are some tips for a Successful Business Meeting with A Baby.

1. Use Parenting Discernment

I usually gauge from conversations or one on one meeting [without the baby] whether bring the lil one is an option. Not everyone is going to be open to having an infant or toddler in a professional meeting. For some its an oxymoron. You will know which one of your clients or perspective clients are open to having your babe sit in. My clients welcome Prince.

2. Give A Baby Warning

Although, in most cases Prince is welcome I still make sure to give fair warning. Not everyone is sure what to expect with a toddler.

3. Be Overly Prepared

Make a meeting agenda with questions, key points, topics, objectives, action items and etc. Outline everything you want accomplish or at least touch on during your meeting.  Keep in mind you and the person you’re meeting with WILL be distracted by the baby. And for good reason… babies are sooooo doggone cute! Its wonderful to have something to keep everyone on task.

As a mommy, have all your baby arsenal locked and loaded. This included snacks, sippy cups, stroller… pack up the nursery if you need to. I also try to schedule around nap time. So meetings are after nap time. This is best for every one.

4. Follow-up

This is probably the most important part for business in general.  I like to immediately do a recap of the meeting and schedule a follow-up meeting if necessary.

Ok, Parentpreneurs What are your tips for working with a baby? Comment Below.

Spilled Milk

The person who came up with the saying “No need crying over spilled milk” was the mother of a toddler. I’m convinced.  There are so many milk spills and mishaps. And they don’t begin to smell until days later. Spilled milk is a reminder that you learn as you go.

3 of my spilled milk incidents.

About a week or two ago, not one, not two but three bottles of milk emptied on the floor in the car. The milk bag was upside down and there was a slow leak from the Dr. Brown’s Bottles.

Lesson Learned: The daycare offers Whole milk as apart of their package.

Yucky!!! That spoiled milk smell.  We valeted our car at the Four Seasons Hotel for Dad 2.0 Summit.  I was so embarrassed of how awful the car smelled.   Valet would bring the car around with all the windows open.  I had to do something fast.  Where do new mom’s go for answers now and days. Yep. Facebook.

Lesson Learned: Vinegar & Baking Soda is not only a cure all for cloth diapers it also gets rid of that spoiled milk smell.

Spill Proof Sippy Cups

Today when I dropped Prince off at daycare he was soaked with what… yes you guessed it milk.  His shirt, pant and jacket all wet.

Lesson Learned: I don’t think spill proof sippy cups exist.  But you can correct me if I’m wrong.